One night

There was a night long before the ones which followed it, as it were to be the one to never forget. This on night began while the sun was still setting and the sky wandered about all the colors yet to be seen. On pavement, I looked up with closed eyes to feel the soft drops of rain. People scurried all over the place as they were ants looking to run along their work and lives. I stood alone in a crowd. My opened to see far across blaring horns of speeding cars. She was there dressed in black. Long hair, dark eyes with a smile. My mouth goes dry in wanting to speak. Closer and closer we come to another. Time slows down to a crawl everywhere at once as if it were just for us. Then it happens, we embrace like lost lovers over time. As we let go for a moment to talk, I wake up in my bed strangely missing the feeling of home in that embrace. I remember it sometimes before I sleep, only in parts, hoping it would be real someday.

New Update

It has been a while since I have posted here. Many things have happened to me personally which to some extent I will explore in the coming months on a daily basis. However, I decided to direct this blog to be my personal journal to track myself as I progress. I am attempting to do something horrifying for anyone after the age of 21...starting over. It's not a gimmick or lackluster schtick like a new years resolution, but a new life evolution. I am 27 years old and it feels like I have lived twice that time. Recent events have thankfully given me the time to take thing and change. This change whether people I know like it or not will happen and remain a permanent marker on how I conduct myself from this point out. I am holding myself accountable, just like anyone else, for the exception that I, me and me alone am the priority before anything else. I have spent too much of my life with the naive notion of being noble to an extreme. It is a common tale I know, but it finally dawned on me that I have to harbor feelings of selfishness and not feel guilty for it. Guilt, oh how I smite you every single day in so many ways. Guilt was my fatal weakness which I mistook for loyalty. I pick and choose my battles wisely. There are battles that are brought to my doorstep which I choose to ignore or it will resolve itself in time. I am in no hurry to do things based on another person's timetable. Everything has its proper time and place, so is everything which I am involved with. I think I got what I wanted off my chest, soon there will be more up here on this page. Maybe videos of myself making a fool of myself probably? Who knows?

Walking

I walked this road for a long time.
She came, said to leave that darkness you carry.
I said I couldn't help it, can't get rid of this shadow.
She cried, those tears became rain and still I walked this old road.
Youth passing me by with scorn lovers in tow.
What I carry with me, does anyone know?

Old links dragged on my callous heels, confusion of what was real.
New days beyond the stone horizon, maybe then I can rest.

I will walk on, trying to find my own place. A life somewhere found.
I will walk on, trying to find my own place. A life somewhere found.

Whispers in my ear from long dead dreams, trying to call be back.
I won't, I see what it all seems.
Tattered cloth on my skin, a new patchwork of time.
Years by days stitching the dark lines of my eyes.
I grit my teeth to walk these miles, don't no one bleed as much as I have.

Old links dragged on my callous heels, confusion of what was real.
New days beyond the stone horizon, maybe then I can rest,

I will walk on, trying to find my own place. A life somewhere found.
I will walk on, trying to find my own place. A life somewhere found.

I'm old, too young in years. Callous 'round this heart and history on my face.
Follow this road with me if you can.
And if you can find an answer you need, you don't need to be following me...

I will walk on, trying to find my own place. A life somewhere found.
(Where may that be?)
I will walk on, trying to find my own place. A life somewhere found.
(No where in sight)
I will walk on...walk on...walk on...

Keeping Company

Small room in my home. I sit with my back against the wall. Looking into the corners of this night. I come to face the sum of my life looking down at me. Possessions, comforts and photographs, all of them, the gargoyles of the towers I have built. I hear a sigh high above me. These fingers playing with taut wire on wood, hums becoming a whisper of things yet to come. Take my eyes today and I can still see you in nothing. Rose and fall against the coming light, you preformed a private sonata just for me. I want and have an urge to plunge into you. Too tired to reach you, trying too hard not to slip away. Please don't let this dream end, the dream of knowing you.

Drunk

City lights, dark steps in front of me

deaf from the past sound, was it you?

So many days forgotten between here

Today's gone waste, I let it be that way

don't care now wouldn't want to

getting so fast, so late...


Let 'em fade

empty pockets, hollow tomorrows

Tomorrow...we'll be gone.


Empty bottles drained the time

happiness at the end of a stick

sleeping concrete welcomes me

Fingers twist never to create

I regret the things we could of been

few fallen far from here...


Let 'em fade

empty pockets, hollow tomorrows

Tomorrow...we'll be gone.


I'll sleep in mirages,

you'll be here sometime

drift, drift...drift....

Strangers

I heard a melody call out to me by the morning road. The scent of thee sea swiftly swayed my sight to the fading laughter. I could see from far away the smiles of children in the sand watched by the loving gaze of their mother. The melody sped hard in my chest as I approached. Comforting figments of familiarity overtake me. Not so far they stand to greet me and thee little ones run towards me. The mother smiles in a way which could revive any faith. I kneel with arms spread, only to hear the crash of tones. Everything slows to a still the calm waves become behemoths, I dove in for them too late. They are gone and I am left begging to be taken as well. The alarm clocks rings and I sit up crying for those strangers.

The Impossible Man

He walked each day without real burden. The air was light between each step he had taken. Time passed and he remained the same as always, but a bit more rugged than the year before. His past would come at times to change him and he would brush it off with no remorse. The soft words of past loves were denied simply by being told to vanish in the kind cruelty of his silence. Comfort was found locked in small moments of the same past and relived behind his eyes. In dreams, he moved on with fragmented possibilities lost in the waking life. It took him a while to realize his true love was the dear moments he held inside. They would guide him, warm his heart and give him what he desired outside the physical needs. In those lost moments, arias, unknown symphonies would play only for him. Images danced into figments of fantasy and mere illusions to be seen. The moments care for him as well yet the yearning to be real was strong and not enough to happen. Time went on and they grew together more and more. People look at him now aged more and care free, but alone. He wasn't. Faster and faster he began to fade from this world as the moments began to be clearer. On the last day of him being in this world, he walked as usual. A few hours into his walk he stopped altogether. The moments from in front of him and became a woman. So beautiful that tears streamed down his sides. He buckled onto his knees and rested on her bosom. She whispered sweet notes as he finally faded along with her. Now they are finally able to be with each other, touching and existing. It took a long time for him to know that he didn't exist in the first place, he was an forgotten idea in love with another.